I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
