I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize