He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
