just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
