thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
