i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
