Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Is Oprah even human
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
