i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Randomize
