The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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