I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize