Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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