While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
