"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I can't turn off my feet"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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