so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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