I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
