i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
