At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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