Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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