i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
