Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
