the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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