omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
