My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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