Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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