I think im going to throw up on grandma
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
it's not cheating when I paid for it
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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