no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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