11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize