This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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