Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
