HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
