O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
