How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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