i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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