You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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