Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
