Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
