she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
