The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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