Sponge bath it is.
sarcasm needs its own font
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
