I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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