Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
