doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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