Where is the hickey?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
