try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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