a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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