Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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