she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
