you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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