there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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