wanna go halves on a baby?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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