Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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