Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
