i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
