She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
