Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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