She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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