chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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