can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
