I'm gonna have a badass scar
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
