I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
