dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
