I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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