I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
