guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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