But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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