Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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