you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
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They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
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I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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