note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
