i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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