I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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