i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
ok first of all what the fuck
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
