I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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